R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
