He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
