I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
