Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
