He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
