so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
