I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
