Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my shit smells like andre
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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