did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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