my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
