my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
