I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
