I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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