bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
