the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
