butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
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I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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