I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
