I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
