So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
