I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
