Well douche your snatch and let's go!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
jump out the window naked night went bad
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
