once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
