In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
