My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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