well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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