dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
