you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
