fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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