Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Boobs are out for the taking
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
