Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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