My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
