I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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