i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
