I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
