Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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