oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
