fuck your aforementioned shoe
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
