my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
