my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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