This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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