Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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