you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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