but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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