Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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