She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
