Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
