My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
