I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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