captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
