hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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