I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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