she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
