Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
