he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
