Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
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in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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