I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
