I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
