So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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