I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
