walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
