And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Where is the hickey?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
