flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
