did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
please come you make the beer taste better
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
