Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
