Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
