dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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