i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Shame - the story of my life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
