This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
