Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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