Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
