She's JV to your varsity
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
