Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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