Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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